You’re not the only woman facing this. When a couple has mismatched sex drives, the assumption is that the man is the one who is craving more bedroom action. So when the reverse situation occurs in your own love life and you have a higher sex drive than your partner, it can feel downright unsettling for you—and him, too. But this situation is hardly uncommon, says California-based sex therapist Nagma V. Clark , PhD. The fact that many women find themselves in this scenario doesn’t make it any easier. Having a higher libido can strain your relationship, weaken your self-esteem, and leave you sexually frustrated. The first thing many women think is that their partner’s low libido is a reflection of his interest or lack thereof in them.
The dilemma I’m a single woman in my late 30s and am struggling to deal with a very high sex drive. I would like to meet a man to settle down and have kids with, but have not met the right person. I’ve been dating for a while, and even when I am not completely attracted to a man, I find it hard to resist sleeping with him.
While none has treated me badly, I often feel degraded later and it eats away at my self-esteem.
I don’t hear, ‘Doctor, my sex drive is too high. Please Schedule ye olde weekly ‘date nights’ to talk and re-connect without the kids. It’s easy to.
One of the most common problems couples face in relationships is a mismatched libido. This happens when one person has a higher sex drive than the other person or people. The first step towards doing so, she says, is to cultivate a healthy sense of empathy for your partner and what their point of view might be like in your dynamic. This can help you better understand their needs so that you can work together more effectively.
This is something Dawson recommends they try not to take too personally, though. Next, she recommends couples slow down and try to focus on the experiences that have worked for them in the past. Under what conditions did both people feel aroused enough to have sex? What were they doing that was so hot? Likewise, getting in touch with your own body as opposed to relying on your partner for physical stimulation can be important.
Dawson recommends both partners explore themselves and their own pleasure zones on their own — that way, the higher libido person can benefit from the arousal and orgasms they crave while the lower libido person can explore ways they might feel comfortable being touched or being sexual without necessarily having to have sex. Or, if one of you is too far tired to have sex after work during the week, how would each of you feel about giving it extra effort on the weekends or, have sex in the morning before the stress of the day kicks in?
Whatever the desire is, there is usually a happy medium that can be reached.
Strategies for Mitigating Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships
We include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Libido, or sex drive, naturally varies between individuals.
Do you have questions about your vision health? At any age, new lovers can’t keep their hands off each other. But the “hot and heavy” period ends after a year or so, and sexual frequency declines. If both libidos cool at the same rate, there’s no problem. But one partner typically wants sex more often than the other, and that desire difference can endanger a long-term relationship :. See also: Just how healthy is your marriage?
What to do if you and your partner have different sex drives
If communication if the key to a good relationship, then surely it is also the shortcut to a fulfilling sex life within said relationship? That’s easier said than done when it comes to being open about your desires if you feel they aren’t the same as your partner. This might mean feeling rejected because you feel you’re always the one trying to get something going, or inadequate because you don’t feel you can fulfil the needs of your partner.
If any of these statements apply to you, there are many medical, psychological and social reasons why that could be. But one you may not have considered is you just don’t want to have sex — at least not as much as you think is “normal” — and that’s not necessarily an issue. Just like if you don’t want to run a marathon, it doesn’t matter that you can’t run 10 kilometres an hour,” explains Amanda Newman, a women’s health specialist GP from Jean Hailes for Women’s Health.
Andrea Waling, a researcher from the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, says while our acceptance of “diverse” sex drive is increasing — the rise of asexuality being one example — many people still feel pressure to have a “normal” libido. We’ll unpack some things you might not have considered that can influence it, but also explain why your libido might be just fine as it is — high or low.
Then, she explains, there are broader changes that can influence libido, such as ageing, having children, stress and relationship satisfaction. Dr Ariana says the frequency of sexual intercourse has nothing to do with libido and satisfaction.
High sex drive: can you lower your libido?
Can’t stop thinking about sex? If your sexual urges are all you think about, it might be quite distracting. From Tinder to Love Island, it can sometimes feel like we live in a society that focuses entirely on sex , so it’s normal to question your libido and wonder if your sex drive is above average, especially if your needs are not being met. Psychosexual and relationship therapist Sarah Berry looks at when you should be concerned about your libido and offers her expert tips on lowering sex drive:.
But if you are concerned that you have an overly high sex drive, there During these times they could choose to do things like go on a date.
Katie Smith. I had more energy and felt lighter and happier, but something else was brewing. My libido was suddenly awake again. While I have always enjoyed sex, intimacy and being a bit naughty, I realized that part of me mellowed out a bit in my early to mids. Maybe it was having three kids in three years that stalled my libido, and my body was telling me to shut it down and take care of the clan I had.
Perhaps it knew I could be an average mom to three, but if there was one more thrown into the mix, it wouldn’t be the best thing for my body or my mind. After asking a few of my year-old friends if they felt this way, I almost got attacked they were so excited. I was met with, “Oh my God, yes! A common thread with all of us is we have kids in the tween or teen stage; our children certainly are more independent, which leaves us with more energy.
Why I Feel More Sexual in My 40s
I am a queer, nonmonogamous, unmarried, polyamorous woman in my mids. I get that my relationship experience is not your standard-issue happily-ever-after heteronormative story. The thing is, sex drive varies from person to person.
Jump to navigation. Both the male libido and the female libido are highly sensitive to the stresses and strains of your emotional relationship with each other. Knowing what you want and getting it are two very different things, and nowhere is that more true than the bedroom! But sometimes you need only ask, or talk over the psychological and physical limitations blocking you, to find a consensus with your partner.
One of the biggest challenges in a relationship is handling different attitudes to, and needs for, sex. Desiring more sex is a problem not limited by gender, age or sexual orientation. Libido is a largely biological phenomenon, and you should never apologize for your own internal chemistry. On the long list of things that can negatively impact libido are such factors as stress, aging, depression, anxiety, past trauma and, for women, menopause and even birth control pills 3.
You can however change how pro-active you are in addressing the sex question in your relationship; if you can make the time for intimacy, then who knows where it could lead?
10 ways to boost libido
Subscriber Account active since. Getting on the same page with your partner can be tough. From deciding on pizza toppings still can’t get my boyfriend on board with pineapple , to getting each other’s schedules right, being in sync is not the easiest thing for even the strongest of couples. And, as you settle into a long-term relationship, it can be hard to get one very important thing on track: your sex drives. And while you may be boning nonstop when you first get together because of your exciting new connection, that may or may not keep up because of different factors including lack of free time, infighting in the relationship or simply a differing sex drive.
Libido is driven by testosterone.
I haven’t quite figured out if it is because my libido is below average, if the people I date just tend to have a higher libido than average, or some kind of.
A new study published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin looked at dating dealbreakers—those irritating or offensive or otherwise unacceptable things that kill our desire for a relationship with someone—and how they vary between men and women. Researchers combined data from six studies looking at a total of 6, people’s dating preferences.
For the most part, “Dealbreakers were associated with undesirable personality traits,” with “disheveled” “lazy” and “needy” being the top three named by both men and woman, according to the study. Dealbreakers also centered around unhealthy lifestyles and having different sexual and romantic goals. Women had more dealbreakers than men or, at the least, weighed them more heavily and people with higher mate value translation: who considered themselves a catch and a half also tended to have more dealbreakers.
Not surprising, right? When it comes to casual, short-term relationships, the Wall Street Journal reports that only three main dealbreakers came up consistently: “has health issues, such as STDs,” “smells bad” and “has poor hygiene. We like to think we’re a bit more discerning than that, but research is research. When looking for a more serious partner or a longer-term relationship, sex was a top dealbreaker for both men and women, but with a crucial difference: The WSJ reports that men found “low sex drive” to be a major dealbreaker, but that more women said “bad sex” was a no-go for them.
It would seem that men are happy if they’re getting it regularly, while would place more importance on the quality of the sex. Do you agree?
Here’s What It Means If One Partner Has A Way Higher Sex Drive Than The Other, According To Experts
Remember when you first started dating your partner? Remember the emotional and physical excitement you felt? And when you finally went to bed together
Are you the spouse with the higher sex drive? Here are 9 tips to approach your partner in ways that will increase the chances that she or he will want to be close.
We get distracted easily. Even using the Internet is hard, because watching sex online is always a click away. We have to teach the guys we sleep with. If we did, then our sexual desire would never go away. Sometimes our sex toys are better than actually getting laid. We can buy dildos and vibrators that do most of the work for us. Sometimes, it beats having a one-night stand. We love having quickies. In fact, it can be way more exciting to have sex for five minutes in a bathroom stall than to rub up against each other in bed for an hour.
We get upset over rejections. That can cause our confidence to plummet. Sex needs to be steamy.